Wives’ tales

If you can believe such things, they say now
that tea does not cause kidney stones – it was just
an old wives’ tale. Who are these duplicitous wives
telling such tales? What tricksters live in perfidy,
spreading lies, treason on my tongue so long deprived
of such sweet, iced beverage betraying
its watery beginning with sugary self-improvement.

My wife told me today that wine – that delicious
confection, so warm in my throat, a comforting
inverted blanket covering me inside out,
with a loving embrace – may be causing my pants
to also embrace me too close. Et tu, brute?